Why Are We So Bothered by What Other People Think?

Let Them

May 30, 2025

Let them.

This is the two-word phrase that Mel Robbins has severely popularised. It’s so simple, but yet so effective. It’s the phrase you can repeat to yourself when you’re deep in comparanoia (the word I like to use when you spiral off after comparing yourself to other people), people-pleasing, or just obsessed with what someone else thinks of you.

We’ve all been there, no matter how confident we are, or how many years of experience we have doing what we do.

“Let them judge. Let them misunderstand. Let them walk away. Let them gossip. Let them stay stuck.”

Let them.

It’s a mantra, a mindset shift - and for many of us, it feels impossible.

Because here’s the truth:
We know we shouldn’t care what people think.
We know that it’s none of our business.
We know it’s slowing us down.

But we still do it.

I’ve recently read her book, Let Them, and it’s really change the way I think about this. So, I’m digging deep today to find out why we’re wired to care, how it shows up in business and life, and what we can actually do about it.

Please do check out the book review I did on my YouTube channel too, and let me know what you think.

Why We Care (Even When We Know Better)

Caring what others think isn’t weakness. It’s biology.

Let’s go right back in the day - when humans evolved in tribes. Back then, being rejected didn’t mean feeling bad - it meant death. So we developed a social survival instinct: the need to belong, to be accepted, to read social cues for safety.

Studies show that social rejection activates the same neural pathways as physical pain (Eisenberger & Lieberman, UCLA, 2003).

It’s not just “in your head.” Your brain treats judgement like a threat.

In our present day life, that tribal wiring collides with:

Social media highlight reels
Endless comparison traps
An entrepreneurial world that worships personal branding

So we find ourselves asking:

What will they think if I post this?
Will they judge me for charging that much?
What if they unfollow me?
What if I get it wrong… publicly?

And while this fear feels personal, it’s actually predictable. Which means it can be hacked.

The “Let Them” Framework

Mel Robbins may not have invented this phrase, but she packaged it in a way that landed.

Let them talk.
Let them roll their eyes.
Let them make assumptions.
Let them be offended.

Why?

Because you’re not here to manage their expectations.
You’re here to live your life. Build your business. Own your truth.

“Let them” isn’t about being dismissive. It’s about choosing yourself anyway.

How This Shows Up for Founders

If you’re building a business right now, this stuff shows up everywhere:

You undercharge because you’re worried people will say you’re “too expensive”
You water down your opinions because you don’t want to offend people
You delay launching because you’re scared of failure or even being visible
You stay small because you fear being called out for “trying too hard”

And the real tragedy? None of this protects you - it just slows you down.

You’re building a brand for strangers… based on the opinions of people who wouldn’t buy from you anyway.

Why “Let Them” Works (Science-Backed)

Here’s what makes Let Them more than just a vibe - it’s backed by psychological principles that actually help rewire your behaviour.

1. Cognitive Reframing

Let Them is a pattern interrupt. Instead of spiralling into “What will they think?” you train your brain to respond with “Let them.”
This reframes judgment as their issue, not yours.

Study insight: Cognitive reframing has been shown to significantly reduce anxiety and overthinking by helping individuals reinterpret social triggers (Gross, 2002).

2. Radical Acceptance

Letting people judge without trying to control the outcome is a form of radical acceptance.
It says: “Discomfort might come - and I’ll survive it.”

This builds true resilience - not performative confidence… something that I think social media is very guilty of encouraging at the moment.

3. Defaulting to Self-Trust

Every time you choose you, even when others disapprove, you reinforce self-trust. That’s the real goal - not “not caring,” but caring more about your own opinion than someone else’s.

Neuroscience shows that acting in alignment with your values boosts dopamine and intrinsic motivation (Deci & Ryan, Self-Determination Theory).

5 Practical Ways to Apply “Let Them” as a Founder

If this sounds great but feels hard, start here:

1. Write Down Your “They”

Who are you afraid of being judged by?

Write the names or groups down. Then ask:
- Would I take business advice from these people?
- Would I switch places with them?

If not, why do you even care about their opinion?!

2. Use a Visibility Checklist

Before you post or launch something, ask:

Does this align with my values?
Does this help someone?
Would I be proud of this in a year?

If the answer is yes - post it. And let them think what they want.

3. Track the Evidence

Keep a “proof file” - messages from people you’ve helped, results you’ve achieved, things you’re proud of.
When doubt creeps in, go to facts, not fear.

Plus, this is a great pick-me-up on those low days. We know we all have them.

4. Limit Your Input

Comparison thrives on overexposure. Curate your feed. Mute people. Create before you consume.

5. Practice It Publicly

Start small:

Share a bold opinion on LinkedIn
Launch something imperfect
Say no to something that no longer fits

Every act of “letting them” builds your tolerance. And your freedom.

ZERO TO SOMETHING

This is Zero to Something - a daily shift toward thinking clearly, building smarter, and owning who you are.

Today’s something is this: the next time you're worried about what they’ll think, let them.

You don’t owe anyone your silence.
You don’t need approval to be effective.
You don’t need to be liked to be respected.
Let them judge. Let them misunderstand. Let them scroll past.
You're not here to impress. You're here to build.

Zero to Something